One of the parents in our community recently told me this story that I’d like to share here with her permission.
A few weeks back, she was at a gathering with a handful of other families. Her 7-year-old daughter Ava was off playing when one of the other moms came up to her with tears down her cheeks. She told her that Ava had been playing with her daughter, I’ll call her K, when she paused to come ask some questions. The conversation went like this:
Ava: Does K talk?
Mom: No, K doesn’t talk yet.
Ava: Oh, is she autistic?
Mom: Yes, she is.
Ava: Oh, I have a friend whose brother is autistic. Everybody’s brain is different.
Ava then went off to figure out other ways to play with her daughter.
This mom was so grateful that Ava was able to ask those questions. She said that most of the time, kids will either ignore her daughter or sometimes call her names. But Ava noticed that this child was different and sought out the information she needed by approaching and questioning the adult she knew could give her the answers. She then figured out new ways to connect with this person whose brain just worked a little differently than hers.
I’m in tears as I write this for several reasons. The compassion and courage that Ava demonstrated are traits that will serve her in every aspect of her life, and they are some of the traits that we strive to foster at Juniper Root. The families in our community are likewise committed to creating an empowering atmosphere of compassion and respect at home. When we treat children as equals, they then extend that respect to those around them.
An unfortunate thing that I learned in school was that questions are inconvenient. Asking a question in class demonstrated to everyone that there was something you didn’t understand yet. It opened you up to ridicule and judgement. It often resulted in a collective sigh from the rest of the class because this lesson was now prolonged by the fact that someone wanted to know more. There was an unspoken goal to get through lessons as quickly as possible so we might have “free” time to sit and doodle at our desk, get a jump-start on our homework, or just lay our heads down without being told we needed to pay attention. Questions slowed everything down. I remember staring at the clock when someone would raise their hand, calculating, hoping that this detour wouldn’t devour the few minutes of freedom that we’d have before the end of the day.
We have arranged Juniper Root so that children’s questions help form the foundation of the curriculum.
Instead of always teaching them what we think they should know, we practice stepping back to allow their infinite questions guide the process.
The way that other children typically react to K is a very human response. We are uncomfortable with situations that are new and unfamiliar to us. We might create labels in an attempt to distance ourselves from things we don’t yet understand. At Juniper Root, we practice leaning into that discomfort. We support each other in developing the courage to ask uncomfortable questions and the skills to navigate the big emotions that sometimes come along for the ride. We help children realize that adults can help connect them to answers, and that often we need to seek out the answers together because we never stop learning.
We cultivate an atmosphere in which no topic is off-limits, and detours are just roads to previously unknown worlds. We hold time and space for children to ask thousands of questions every day, and make sure they know that those questions are the opposite of inconvenient.
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