The other day, an 8-year-old boy walked up to his friend, obviously holding back tears, and said, “Hi…”. I happened to be sitting nearby and could feel the weight of his greeting. After standing there for a few more moments, his friend started to go back to what he was doing so I said, “Is there something you wanted to tell him?”
The 8-year-old thankfully agreed and began to tell his friend how his feelings had been hurt, holding back tears the whole time. A long discussion followed where both eloquently explained their side of the situation and listened to the other. They looked to me a couple of times during the conversation and when they asked, I offered my perspective without taking sides. The issue resolved and they both carried on with their day.
These somewhat uncomfortable interactions take place daily at Juniper Root. We practice authentic communication, stating how we feel without stuffing down our emotions in order to create a more palatable version of ourselves. Speaking your feelings is incredibly vulnerable and it’s something I still find challenging. I was a relatively quiet child in school. The one time my report card read: “Great student, talks a little too much in class” had a pretty big effect. I learned quickly that socializing was frowned upon, a distraction from the real learning I was meant to be doing. I learned how to make sure I didn’t get negative remarks on my report card. I learned that my feelings were often inconvenient and that there wasn’t much space for them out in the world.
In the eyes of the system, I was a success. I checked all the boxes. I hated when anyone was upset with me, so I learned that doing all the things they wanted me to do wasn’t that hard. I developed this people-pleasing pattern that I’ve been rewiring for years in order to live authentically. It’s an on-going practice and I learn so much from the children and other adults I have the privilege of working and playing with every day.
Kids at Juniper Root regularly practice challenging and complex social/emotional skills. They learn that there is space for their big emotions and are thus able to develop the skills to manage them when they charge on through. They learn respectful ways to express those emotions so that we can all better understand each other. It’s messy, vulnerable, fulfilling, courageous work. When you engage with children in this manner, it’s impossible not to grow and develop right along with them.
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